5 Compliments That Are Actually Sexist.

Firstly, this ‘compliment’ assumes that once a man ejaculates, his sperm is good enough and the burden of pregnancy and child birth is on the woman. If you grew up watching Nollywood (Nigeria’s movie industry) movies, you will know why this is a loaded problematic statement.

The Oxford dictionary defines a compliment as ‘A polite expression of praise of admiration’. So, a compliment is supposed to highlight your great qualities or admire you for who you or what you do.

So, can a compliment be bad? Yes. You probably know about backhanded compliments which are comments that blur the line between an insult and a compliment. But going beyond that, do you know that there are compliments that go beyond being insulting to actually being sexist.

To be fair, many of these ‘compliments’ are very commonplace and are usually used with a genuine intention to compliment a woman. I think it is pretty rare that people use these compliments intentionally to be sexist but ignorance still does not make it right.

So let’s get into it.

Beauty is nothing without brains.
  1. Beauty with brains: Funny how this one is used so popularly and it makes me itch every single time I see it. We all use it on our friend’s birthdays, graduation ceremony, friendship posts, weddings etc..

    Generally, it is done to highlight that our friend, who is really beautiful, is not just a ‘slay queen’ but is also pretty intelligent. Just in case, you have not realized the issue yet, emphasizing that a woman has brains to go along with her beauty inadvertently implies that beautiful woman often do not come with smarts or that smart women will generally not be beautiful.

    The next time you want to use this compliment, think about why you think this is the right description for your friend. Sometimes we do it subconsciously to place ourselves above other women or to present ourselves as well rounded for the onlooking men. Personally, I have never heard anyone compliment a man with ‘handsome with brains’ or ‘strength with brains’ so I wonder why it’s okay for women.

  2. You are beautiful for a ….: No matter what comes after the ‘a’, this is a statement that spells trouble. Most of the time, the word will be fat or black or short or dark skinned.

    The person ‘complimenting’ has some sort of beauty standard in their head that they expect you to fit and when they realize that you are beautiful outside their beauty box, they resort to giving compliments that actually are insulting.

  3. You are not sensitive/emotional like other girls: At this point, I don’t have to tell you that any compliment that compares you to other girls is already trouble. But let’s talk about the sensitivity that men often complain about.

    When it comes down to it, everyone is sensitive. It does not matter if you are sensitive about food, people, family, sports or music. In fact, anyone who is not sensitive about anything should probably get themselves checked.

  4. Women are nurturers/better cooks: Sounds good, might make you blush but it’s not true, sorry. lol. It is simply a ploy to make you cook and be a nurturer. I guess I should say, in my opinion. The truth though is that both men and women have equal potential and need to learn how to cook.

    In fact, if we were to speak on need, men generally have a greater need to learn considering that they tend to eat more than women. You see, when I came to Canada, the only meal I could prepare was instant noodles. I could not even boil a pot of rice properly.

    For the first year, I was in boarding school and so all our meals were prepared for us. The second year, I stayed with my cousin’s family and again had all my meals prepared. The third year, however, I moved to live by myself and boy did I eat a lot of pizza and chips.

    After a few months, I started with frying plantain, making Jollof rice (famous Nigerian rice dish) and eventually I could put a decent meal together for myself. Nothing about me being a woman inspired my cooking ability. It was entirely because I did not want to starve to death. So, seen as everyone needs to eat, I am sure you can see why everyone needs to cook, or clean their personal spaces.

  5. Women are multipliers: Again, feel good on the surface, burden of sexist responsibility on the bottom. They say ‘give a woman a sperm, she gives you a baby, give her food stuff, she makes you food, give her a house, she makes it a home’ Lol.

    Firstly, this ‘compliment’ assumes that once a man ejaculates, his sperm is good enough and the burden of pregnancy and child birth is on the woman. If you grew up watching Nollywood (Nigeria’s movie industry) movies, you will know why this is a loaded problematic statement.

    Every time a couple had issues conceiving, the husband’s mum would come into the house and frustrate the woman for not giving her son a child and making her a grandmother. Never would they look at the man as the potential culprit of their infertility because their son ejaculated.

    Quite frankly, there is nothing multiplying about pregnancy and childbirth. If we are so desperate to be mathematical, I would call it an addition. A man with a viable sperm and woman with a viable egg that join together to form a baby. So you see, there’s really no compliment in that. It’s just a sweet sexist catchphrase.

    In the same vein, today women work to also bring in the food stuff and buy the house. Women don’t just sit on their butts waiting to be handed foodstuff or houses so that they could work some multiplication wonders.

Looking for a multiplier? Try Jesus!

Heart to Heart: Are there any other statements I left out that you hear often? What are your thoughts on this as a man or woman? I’ll love to hear it.

Nine Years Later…

Getting home for the first time after almost a year was both exciting and nerve racking. Exciting, because I had never been away from home this long and I was happy to see my family again but nerve-racking because I felt like I had grown apart from my family.

Me, on my birthday in 2011.

Before going to school, I was in boarding school with my younger brother and we would go home to our siblings relatively often. But with me abroad and them in boarding school, we barely communicated for the entire period I was away.

Our communication didn’t improve much during their holidays either because my parents were not very good at making international calls and keeping track of the time difference yet.

So, while I enjoyed being with my family, it was mostly an awkward period of trying to relearn how to relate and communicate with everyone. The three months at home went by like a breeze.

Where it got interesting was coming back to school towards the end of August. In my mind, I was ready to take on the world and excel in everything but I had no idea I was in for a rude awakening.

First shocker, finding out that I had to take Statistics and Calculus after running away from it my whole life. I thought I had finally conquered it and survived after high school so you can imagine my displeasure.

Second, was realizing that participating in class discussions was integral to my academic success. Being very shy and reserved, asking me to speak publicly was like asking me to hang myself and I promise I am not exaggerating.

Third, and probably the biggest was self accountability. There were no more teachers, caretakers or supervisors making sure I attended classes, completed assignments or participated in other school activities. My success was entirely in my hands, save for a few mentors and my dear cousin and his wife who routinely checked in with me.

Thankfully, these things are now a distant memory and have become victory stories for me.

On the flip side, I learned confidence and grew not just as an individual but as a woman. I successfully finished my undergraduate degree, graduate degree and started working.

One of the best things that have also happened to me in this country is my local church family. It’s been 9 years since I first visited the church and 8 since I have been a member and I can that it’s been one of my life’s greatest blessings.

Frankly, with the pandemic raging, this has been one of my most trying periods so far. Since leaving my job in June, there have been some really down days but I know it’s only upward from here.

I am certain of that because life always looks up and besides, I have probably faced other trying times. I just don’t remember them because I have a short memory span when it comes to difficult times.

God has blessed me so much that the trying moments are just moments and quickly fade into a haze. When I look at my life over the past 9 years, it’s gotten better year after year and I know that this is only the beginning.

Cheers to the next 9 years. I can’t wait to actually see what’s coming.

Heart to Heart: I hope you enjoyed my little journey. Tell me what you liked best or what you can relate to. ❤️❤️

9 Years Later…

It was today, exactly 9 years ago on September 15th, 2011 just about 4:30pm that I got off the Lufthansa plane at Toronto Pearson International Airport as an Unaccompanied Minor.

Coming from a country that was always bustling with noise and movement, this new environment was so serene you could almost hear a pin drop.

My parents particularly my dad had always told us growing up that we were either going to Canada, America or Germany. He would call us after the country we liked and we would dance and get excited for the future.

But I had only ever left Nigeria once; to the United Kingdom on a short two week trip organized by my high school with a few classmates. It was during the summer break so I had never been exposed to the chilly weather that defined the fall season in North America and other colder regions.

As soon as I got to the bottom of the stairs with my other classmate who traveled with me as a minor too, the first thing I did was exhale. Watching western movies, I learnt that in the fall or winter, when people exhaled, the air was cloudy and fog-like. I wanted to experience this for myself and it was almost like some sort of confirmation that I had really arrived the land that was famed to be one of the coldest countries in the world.

We walked through the airport checks keeping an eye out for the agent who had sorted out our visa and travel itinerary. The agent was waiting to receive us at the arrival terminal and after we saw our names on his placard, we walk towards him with our luggage. He took my friend and I into town to open bank accounts and then we waited a while in Toronto before heading to the city where our school was located.

While waiting, it dawned on me that I was thousands of miles away from home and then came the waterworks. I felt miserable because I couldn’t just go home when I wanted. It was especially funny because my dad never let us leave the house even to the next street and here I was in another continent all by myself. My mum actually kept questioning his decision to send me to Canada because she had always teased him for being overprotective of my siblings and I and treating us like eggs.

My first Sunday in Canada, September 18th 2020.

It didn’t matter now that I was here and focused on settling in. Things got better as we arrived at my school hostel in Waterloo. A few other of my high school friends were also at my school so I had a few familiar faces.

The next 9 months went by pretty fast. Fun days, sad days, emotional days, birthdays, heartbreak etc

The next summer came and I headed home to see my siblings….. Who knew so much could change in less than a year?

Want to know how the story continues? Check back on Sunday…. This September is dedicated to reflecting on my past 9 years in this awesome country.

Heart to Heart: Are you loving the story so far?

Someone Should Do It

It is one thing to identify an issue and it is a whole different thing to fix it. The problem solver will always be more valuable than the problem identifier.

How many times have you started a sentence with “someone needs to…” or “someone should…” And how many of those times has it been something that you could do yourself especially after identifying that someone needed to do the said thing.

We all know how easy it is to identify what needs to be done but doing what needs to be done is what takes effort. It could be a little bit of effort or it could be a whole lot but what matters is that it can be done by us.

Two ‘someone’s’ hoping the other someone would do something…

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was in this exact position. On my way to church with my husband, we drove past the highway and noticed a couch right in the middle of the road. Of course, naturally it drew our attention and we wondered how it got there.

I would assume that many other people who drove by had taken note of it as well but were also expecting someone to act on rectifying the problem. How am I certain of this? Because I also expected someone else to fix it.

Shortly after noticing the couch, I pointed out to my husband how dangerous that was especially considering that people were driving speedily down the road and could crash into it before realizing. At this time, it was also about 6:30 pm so the night was around the corner and we highlighted the fact that it would be even more dangerous once it was night time.

Here’s how we ended our conversation: I hope someone calls the city.

Few minutes after we ended our conversation, I had a rethink. I am someone and my husband is someone. So what other someone did we need to call the city when we could very well make the call.

Now you see why I believe many people had driven past that couch and assumed that someone would call? When everyone hopes for someone to do something, no one ends up doing it.

It is one thing to identify an issue and it is a whole different thing to fix it. The problem solver will always be more valuable than the problem identifier.

After my Aha! moment, I called the city and even though I had to wait on the line for a few minutes, I was able to speak with someone and describe what the issue was.

Truly, it was teachable moment for me and it was also very fulfilling that I could do that. I couldn’t imagine how I would have felt if I had left the task to someone and then heard on the news later that the couch resulted in an accident.

I know I am not alone in waiting for someone to do things that we can do. It could be at home, in your marriage, at church, school, work or in your community. I would really love to hear from you.

Heart to Heart: What is one task you can complete today that you have waited for someone to do?

Crushing Candy and Crushing Failure.

If you never try because you do not want to fail, you will never win either.

You are probably wondering what this topic is about or you already figured out from the title that this post is related to Candy Crush. I know everyone played Candy Crush like 3 or 4 years ago but I really just got back to it after I had no internet at home for almost a week.

With everything being connected to the internet; music, TV, Netflix, even messaging, I had nothing to do. Besides reading my book and chatting with my husband, I started to play Candy Crush which I had downloaded on my phone but rarely played. I should also mention that some perks of the game were not accessible without internet. Lol, what would we do without the internet?

Playing Candy Crush through that period and afterwards taught me a few lessons about life and failure. Who knew that swiping up and down crushing candy could teach such a valuable lesson?

Since Candy Crush was pretty much the only fun we had at home, My husband (Charles) and I took turns playing the game. Whenever we got stuck at a hard level, we kept playing in turns hoping to be the one to advance to the next level.

Whenever it was his turn, I peeked at the screen in order to get pointers on how to win my turn and so, he turned the phone screen away.

Lets talk about the lessons I learnt. Shall we?

1. Learn from other people’s experiences.

There are many things we experience in life that other people even in our close circle have experienced. Why not learn from them how to navigate those roadblocks?

Looking into Charles’ game gave me an idea of what the challenges were with the level. I was also able to tell what sort of moves he made and which he avoided.

In life too, when we take cues from mentors, friends, siblings, we can learn what to do and what not to do when it comes to overcoming certain challenges.

2. Learn from your previous experiences.

There were Candy Crush levels that were so difficult that I wanted to give up. But the more I played the level, the better I got at it. After playing multiple times, I figured out what I could have done better and I eventually won and moved on to the next level.

Although we should not dwell on the past, it tends to hold useful information, memories and skills that make us navigate our future easier. Any wise person knows the benefit of learning from previous experiences.

If you discard everything you ever learnt each new day, then you won’t make much progress as a human being. Life is essentially a journey of accumulated lessons and experiences.

3. Tackle failures head-on.

One of the most frustrating things about Candy Crush was not being able to advance to the next level without succeeding in the current one. After I had lost a level so many times, my only option was to play the earlier levels or keep playing that level and win it in order to advance.

How many times have we taken the easy way out in life? Ignoring a challenge or road block does not make it go away. In fact, if its a roadblock to your next level, no matter how many times you circle it, you will have to clear it before you move forward.

Unlike Candy Crush, it is up to you to hold yourself accountable not to run away from roadblocks and face them with all the resources you’ve got at your disposal.

If you never try because you do not want to fail, you will never win either.

4. Use the tools around you to your advantage.

This was one of my more recent discoveries while playing the game. Some levels were tagged ‘hard level’ and truly, those levels were hard and almost impossible to win.

Unbeknownst to me, I had accumulated lots of ‘boosters’ that could give me an added advantage in the game. I never knew this so I kept trying to win these hard levels the same way I had tackled easier levels.

Imagine my joy when I finally looked at something on the screen other than the ‘hard level’ tag. After I used the boosters, I won the game and even though I still meet hard levels where the booster is not sufficient, It makes the game a whole lot easier than it used to be.

Focusing solely on the challenge can often be very overwhelming. Instead, look around you for the tools, knowledge and resources that can help you win. Sometimes, its people, or a connection or a book. But if you are always focused on tackling the challenge without any skill or advantage, you end up wearing yourself out or going back to smaller challenges.

I hope you have learnt a thing or two from my Candy Crush experience. The next time you crush candies, I want you to remember that you can equally crush failure.

Heart to Heart: What has been the biggest lesson you have learnt regarding failure and overcoming it?

Addicted To Cheap

If I never understood “Penny wise Pound foolish”, this experience explained it perfectly because if I had gotten my ticket directly from the airline, I would have spent $2,000 at most but ended up spending roughly $8000 because I wanted to save $600.

I am generally a cheap kinda Gal because for starters, I am no millionaire and even if I was, I probably would still love cheap.

When I walk into a clothing store, my eyes look out for those big red signs that say ‘Clearance’ and when I shop online, I filter to Sale or Clearance before I begin shopping.

Similarly, I buy the Equate version of St Ives or Clean and Clear and the Great Value version of Kellogg’s cornflakes or Nestle water because why not? My rationale is that we are paying extra money for the name and I don’t care for the name.

Of course, there’s probably more than the name but that was what I chose to believe and that earned me the nick name ‘Great Value’. Recently though, I have learnt the hard way that being cheap often ends up costing you more.

Expensive or Cheap?

Last year, I had planned to travel in August and so I got my ticket in January because I wanted it for cheap but then I got it from one of these discount sites and made my destination a city different from where my family lives so that I could save a few hundred dollars.

But what I did not think about was the fact that I would already have excess luggage for my international flight and considering that domestic flights have even lower baggage allowances, I would end up spending the money I was ‘saving’ on transporting my baggage to my actual destination and that’s besides the flight ticket. I didn’t even factor in the stress of leaving arriving at the international airport and then driving through the city to go to the domestic wing in a city I had never lived in.

So while I was discussing my itinerary with my dad, he requested I cancelled the flight and rebooked it to my actual destination. I did that but didn’t get a full refund. I rebooked with another discount company in order to save again. The greatest shocker came in August when I got to the airport and tried checking in only to find out that I could not because I did not have a U.S Visa.

At this point, I could either decide not to travel or buy a fresh ticket. I had not been home in 7 years so I bought a new ticket for more than twice the cost of my initial ticket still on a discount site and I was just so excited to finally be on my way home. You will not believe that when it was time to return from my trip, my new ticket too could not be used when I got to the airport. Because I was making two stops in Germany, I needed a German visa.

I was so upset and disappointed in myself but there was only one choice and that was to purchase a new ticket yet again for twice the price of my original ticket. If I never understood “Penny wise Pound foolish”, this experience explained it perfectly because if I had gotten my ticket directly from the airline, would have spent $2,000 at most but ended up spending roughly $8000 because I wanted to save $600.

Sorry to disappoint you though; that was not the experience that gave birth to this post. It was yet another incident of me being cheap. Two weeks ago, my stove stopped working and because we had just finished with wedding expenses, I went online to look for a cheap stove.

Sure enough I found one for $280 (delivery included) but what was I expecting for that price? Soon after the stove was delivered, one of the burners stopped working while I was cooking and then two days later, another burner followed suit.

Now, I am stuck with a stove that barely works and I still have to spend the money to get another stove that works. This made me think long and hard about my spending choices and ‘addiction’ to cheap purchases and I learnt a few things i’ll love to share.

1. Cheap is not always bad.

When I first went to high school at age 9, I was really careless and because it was a boarding school, I was responsible for all my stuff. However, when I returned every 3 months, my mum would have to take me shopping to replace everything from my cutlery to underwear to shoes and socks since I had lost them all.

Because of that, she decided that until I had matured a little, she was only going to buy the cheap versions of all the things I needed since they would be replaced in three months anyway.

In this scenario, I believe she was absolutely justified because buying the high quality expensive stuff would have been sort of an intentional waste of money considering that they would need replacing in a matter of months.

2. Value is not Cheap.

Nobody intentionally undervalues themselves. If a price is too good to be true, it is too good to be true. If a company offers a product that provides you $1000 worth of value, there is no scenario where it would be priced at $500.

There’s a reason why similar phones are priced differently or different loaves of bread from different companies have different prices. Just to clarify, the value is not always from the product and is often bestowed by the consumers but they go hand in hand. eg Iphones, Birkins etc.

Essentially, the other sellers who listed their stoves for $450 knew that the stoves were worth the price and that someone else who appreciated a deal but was not cheap would buy it. The person whose stove I bought for $280 gave me exactly the quality I paid for.

Truly, I think this is the straw that breaks the camels back. I have learnt the hard way not to focus too much on price but on value.

Heart to Heart: I would love to hear your experiences. Have you prioritized price over value and what did you learn from it? Or do you think price is always key?

‘…The one with the strange name’

I am sure you are wondering what today’s post is about so let me shed more light.

I was having a phone conversation this week and in the bid to describe someone to the person on the other end of the call; she says to me, ‘is it the one with the strange name?’

What comes to mind when you think of a person with a strange name? Are there any names you typically refer to as strange? And why? Do they have weird meanings or connotations or are they just names from people of different cultural backgrounds than yours?

In this case, the person I was trying to describe is of African descent and has a name that reflects that just as the person on the phone had an English name in line with their ancestry. And I seriously doubt they have ever been referred to as strange even by non-native English speakers.

You see, the word strange simply means foreign or unfamiliar and in a ‘pre-bias conscious’ world, it might not have meant much. But in today’s world and sensing the tone of the conversation, the word ‘strange’ seemed more powerful.

It meant an ‘othering’, a differentiation, an alienation, and certainly I was not here for it. So, I rebutted: what strange name? Of course, while knowing what name and who she was referring to. Perhaps, she must have sensed my disgust or disapproval and then made attempts to pronounce the name.

It was not that I needed her to pronounce the name but the fact that she sought to alienate someone without even meeting them because they had a non-English name.

It reminded me of an experience at my place of work where a client did not want to speak with me over the phone because I had an ‘accent’. Yeah, surprise surprise, you too have an accent; albeit Canadian or American.

He asked for my manager and after he explained the reason for not wanting to speak to me, my manager told the client that he was busy and transferred the call back to me. Lol

I am sure many of us have had a similar experience. Some people try to avoid it by coining some European names out of their native names. It’s interesting to see because I can’t tell if we are making room for others to communicate with us or if we are shrinking ourselves into the closet and ridding ourselves of identity.

Sorry to say but I believe it is the latter. As a Nigerian with two English names, I often catch myself rejoicing at the fact that when I submit applications online, no one knows where I am from till I get there. If that is not erasure of identity, I can’t tell what is.

Generally, I find that Africans are more open-minded and benevolent when it comes to learning pronunciations of names and cultures of others. I wonder if its because we have always looked up to a ‘Western Ideal’ or because most of our countries are so culturally and linguistically diverse that you become exposed from a tender age.

Heart to heart: What do you think it is? I’ll love to hear your thoughts.


When Outside Opens…

Closed park in North Vancouver. Source: Shutterstock.

Over the past two months, every one has said some variation of this phrase as countries across the world continue to battle the novel Corona Virus, Covid-19. What started as an isolated occurrence in ‘far away’ China soon became a neighboring threat that has affected our lives in our various countries.

It was no longer business as usual as people began to get infected, die, and worst of all die in isolation since they could not afford to infect those dear to them. Schools shut down, churches went online, millions across the world lost their jobs and for those who still had their jobs, remote work became the norm where possible.

Yet, there were those people who not only remained working but had to work above and beyond to ensure that the rest of us were safe, healthy, and able to access our essential needs. Shout out to the Doctors, Nurses, Grocery Store Workers, Delivery Men, and Women, etc

Funnily enough, when the list of essential services was released in my location, I was quite surprised. It taught me that everyone has a role to play for society to properly function. Some services I would have expected to shut down were deemed essential much to my surprise and it made sense when I thought about it. The other thing I learned was that a lot of the work we go to perform at a physical office space could be completed remotely, LOL!

But back to the gist for today; when outside opens…

What is going to happen when it does? The lockdown in most places has disrupted so many lives. Rescheduled exams, virtual graduations, baby and bridal showers, canceled weddings, closed schools, massive layoffs, etc and many are saying that life as we know it has been changed forever. Do you agree? Here’s what I think will happen.

1. There will be a new appreciation for ‘outside’ You see, I have always been a couch potato and I am the friend who dreads the ‘going out’ plans I made when the date approaches. Lol, I literally begin to wish the day could hold off on arriving or I hope that one of my friends cancels before me, and then just for effect, I grumble to make them believe I was really looking forward to our lunch date or whatever plan it was. I guess the secret is out of the bag now.

But these days, I find myself imagining what this summer could have been. I actually cannot wait to be able to go lay by the beach, see a movie, visit my local park and just move about unrestricted. And I really believe, this period has been an eye-opener for many others.

2. There will be more jobs on the market.

When Covid-19 initially hit and the lockdown ensued, many people lost their jobs and many companies stopped advertising new openings. I even know of a friend who had received a job offer but was then informed that the start date had been postponed.

Except for critical positions, it seemed like the safer way for employers was to sustain the current workforce rather than bring on fresh employees.

However, in the past week or two, job postings have started to increase and I believe there will be more opportunities posted as the lockdown ends.

This is not to say that you should wait for the lockdown to end before you start applying to new jobs. If you are looking to make a career switch or just to move jobs, the time to start applying is now and you never know what might happen.

3. Remote work will become more acceptable.

You know how they say that some work meetings could have been an email? Some office work could have been done remotely.

Throughout the lockdown, I am the only person in my entire friendship and family circle who has had to go to the physical work location. Yet, every one of these people I know has completed their work to the same standards as when they worked in the office.

Actually, many of them put in extra hours at home because you do not need to leave the office space to go home. Work is home and home is work.

I believe traditionally, we have come to associate dressing up and leaving home in the morning and going to work with productivity. When in reality, we do not all need to gather in a brick and mortar location to carry out productive work.

Clearly, companies like zoom were ahead of the curve and this lockdown probably worked best in their favor. I think, because the facade of office work has already been exposed due to Covid-19, it might be easier for companies to accommodate requests to work remotely when necessary.

4. Church attendance might dwindle

Prior to Covid-19, a lot of people, particularly the younger generation were already arguing on the importance of attending a physical church location. We have all been taught that we, the people are the church and not just a building. But does that mean that we do not need to gather in a physical location with other believers who equally make up the church?

A lot of people believe that online service is the same as attending church and after having worshiped online for the past two months, they might need some time to get back to gathering in one place. Even then, they might feel justified in worshiping online. After all, God still accepted our praises online throughout Covid-19.

Certainly, the first Sunday we are allowed to go back to church will be litttttt because I know that the praise and worship will be off the chain!! But after that, what next?

Can we sustain that excitement? Will we continue to appreciate the opportunity to gather and fellowship with other saints?

5. Weekday weddings will become more popular.

With almost the entire wedding season closed this year, many couples (including myself), have had to reschedule, postpone or cancel their nuptials. And for those who did not cancel or have a virtual wedding like some did, they will have to find a new date.

Unfortunately, most vendors are booked months and sometimes years ahead making it difficult to book a new date with such short notice. If you are lucky enough to be able to book a new date with one vendor, what are the odds that all the other vendors will be able to accommodate that date as well?

So, some couples are booking off-season weddings or just going ahead with weekday weddings to be able to book a date close enough to the original date.

Whatever ceremony happens though, the most important thing is getting married to the one you love.

I would like to hear your thoughts. What do you think is going to happen when outside opens? When we can all get back to doing what we love and enjoy.

Is there something, in particular, you are excited about? Let me know in the comment section.

I hope you all are safe and well. Have a great week ahead and Happy Mother’s Day.


Who am I? Get to Know Me!

Hello Guys,

Welcome to my blog. I am glad you are here and I hope you have a great time 😉

My name is Esther Stanley and I have always had a flair for writing, speaking and just having conversations. While i have always fancied writing, its safe to say that my commitment to procrastination superseded my commitment to put pen to paper. Its been years of pushed deadlines and convincing excuses but I am finally making my drawn-out dream a reality. So what do we say to the gods of procrastination?? Not today!!

Quite honestly, one of my ‘reasons’ for putting it off as long as possible was my fear of reception. Filling up my phone with notes has been my personal attempt at consolation for not putting on my big girl pants and accepting criticism no matter how harsh it may be.

Well, enough about my procrastination and let’s talk about why you are here and why you should return.

This blog is going to be reflection of my passions and the things that excite me. I hope you can feel my passion burn through every post and get excited to engage with me as much as I am looking to engage with you.

To me, writing is an art and like any work of art, both the creator and observer are likely to have different interpretations; often influenced by their point of view or their identities.

Growing up, my life identity comes from my faith as a Christian and experiencing life as a Black Woman. I don’t only expect that your opinions might differ from mine but I am excited to read all the varying opinions and interact with your heart as you interact with mine.

Every time you visit, you can expect to read something I have learnt in my journey as a Christian, or maybe a new recipe I think your taste buds will love or perhaps something about building stronger relationships and friendships. Yes, this blog will focus on Faith, Food and Fun not just because these are the things that help me maintain my joy in the midst of life’s trials but also because I believe we can all relate to these three things.

I am so excited for this chapter and I would love for you to be excited too. Please leave a comment to let me know you are here and excited as well. xo

With love,

Esther Stanley